it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
