I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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