maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
