is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
