she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
