Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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