Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
