I'm jealous of your bromance
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You may now shotgun with the bride
me + whiskey = a bad person
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
