Sacagawea was the original milf.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
