You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize