i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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