we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
