Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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