Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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