hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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