Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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