This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
