A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
