I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just forgot I was standing up.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
