thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
