420 ftw
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
