Ketchup is God's man juice
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
