dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
