I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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