Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
