What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
