I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
