You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
