did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
