The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
