I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
