at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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