im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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