you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
