Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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