I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
