this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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