I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
