its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
