Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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