so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
