Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Can I color on your dick again?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
