so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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