somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
