On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he thought i was a dude.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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