I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Found the puke drawer
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
