So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
