When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
