she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
