The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
