apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
