dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize