i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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