Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I believe in your delicious
Everclear isn't food dammit
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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