Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
