Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
