The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
