it wasn't lemon gatorade
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
