Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I need to align my fucking chakras
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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