you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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