I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I currently don't understand fingers.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
