yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
