Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
