May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize