You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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