im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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