i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
