Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
